


Lord of the... wait, what?

by demondetox



Series: Stay!Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, bottom!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:39:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demondetox/pseuds/demondetox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3rd installment in the Stay!verse.</p><p>Jensen is still in love with Jared, Jared is still in love with Jensen - which leaves TJ to be still the voice of reason and shit's getting real.</p><p>We've got sexy times, Frodo, potatoes, a ring and some hurt because I can't go without it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lord of the... wait, what?

**Author's Note:**

> None of this makes sense without reading all the other parts first. :)

 

**_Lord of the… wait, what?!_ **

_(One year later)_

Jensen is pacing the living room for a good two hours now, his eyes darting back to the clock every two minutes. And did he ever mention how annoying this damn clock is? He asked Jared to replace it but for some reason his boyfriend likes this ticking thing a lot and only snorted out a “pft, yeah right” at Jensen’s request to replace it with something less… ticking. And Jensen really doesn’t feel like arguing with Jared, he likes him happy and smiling and sated and uh-huh many other things that are a sight for sore eyes. For Jensen’s eyes. 

But anyway, Jensen hates that damn clock, especially now where he’s waiting for Tristan to get home and staring at the thing constantly. Oh how Jensen loves calling Jared’s house his _home_ , well technically it’s _theirs_ now. Jared had asked Jensen to move in only a couple weeks after their reconciliation and that feels like forever ago. Considering they’ve celebrated their second anniversary a few weeks ago it actually was a long time ago. Sure they had their ups and downs but mostly they were happy and that’s all that matters to both of them. 

Jensen is walking a clear path of restiveness into the plush carpet and praying, actually really praying that Tristan will be home before Jared. His boyfriend had called him earlier, telling him that he’d be home later today because his new assistant had messed up some of his appointments and was now forced to juggle too many house showings in one day for a very demanding client. Where Jensen usually hated to have Jared work too long hours instead of the two of them spending as much time as possible together, preferably huddle up on the couch making out or fucking each other’s brains out, he was now more than glad and excited to hear that Jared wasn’t going to be home until at least nine pm. So there really was a chance that Tristan would get home before his dad, unless the teen isn’t willing to meet his curfew. 

It is half past five when a giddy and panting Tristan bursts through the front door. The teenager’s face is all flushed as if he’d run a marathon. Next to him Cameron is blushing and coming to an abrupt halt when they spot their coach. 

“Do I wanna know what you guys have been up to?” Jensen is equally surprised and suspicious when the two boys look at him as if he’s caught them doing something _wrong_. And even though both of them always swear that they’re just and only friends Jensen isn’t stupid and can see that they are clearly more than friends. He bites on his tongue to hide the smirk that’s threatening to burst free. 

“Uh, nothing, coach. Nope, nothing.” Cameron pipes up and his cheeks turn a wonderful color of not so innocent pink. Jensen gives them a court nod in answer. 

“Anyway,” Jensen speaks up again when they keep staring at him expectantly, “…Tris, I kinda need to talk to you. Something’s come up, well not ‘coming up’ as in it just happened but uh, yeah, I really need to talk to you.” Jensen’s chewing on his bottom lip and nervously scratches the back of his neck; he can feel his face heating up like the damn sun. “Alone, if it’s not too much trouble.” He offers an apologetic half smile in Cameron’s direction. 

“What’s going on, Jensen? You look a little green around the nose and you’re scaring me.” Tristan is rushing next to him suddenly and he’s gazing at Jensen with worry. 

“It’s nothing bad, I promise. I hope so at least.” He shrugs at the teenager, knowing full well that what he’s wanting to do and ask could blow up in his face and bite him in the ass. That’s why he really needs to talk to Tristan, without anyone listening in. 

Eventually Tristan agrees and sees Cameron out. Jensen can’t help but notice that when Cameron pulls Tristan into a goodbye-hug they hold on to each other for longer than really necessary. Sometime soon Jensen will have to talk to Tristan about it. Not that he’d be against the two boys experiencing with each other, or dating or whatever but they’re both important for the team, meaning that whatever and _if_ they’re starting anything that’s on the too emotional side then this could affect their game in case they won’t work out. Jensen knows though how codependent Tristan and Cameron are so there’s not much fingers crossing needed for whatever’s going on between them. 

“Alright, spill. What’s gotten you so on edge?” Tristan is shoving Jensen towards the couch, pushing him down by the shoulders and patiently waits for Jensen to gather his thoughts. 

“God, this is… ugh. Tris we’re good, right?” 

“What are you talking about, man?” The teenager’s nose scrunches up in confusing and he sits down next to Jensen, patting him on the knee awkwardly and then turns slowly, facing his coach. 

“When your dad asked you about me moving in, I know you weren’t thrilled at first.” 

“Dude, that’s been a year ago and after everything you can’t blame me for being cautious.” There a sliver of hurt in the boy’s eyes and Jensen feels like an utter idiot. 

“No, God no, I’m not judging you. I’m just happy that you agreed, I mean, you know how much I love your dad and living with him… and you, the both of you. You guys make me happy and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here. It’s just that sometimes I get the feeling that you’re still watching me like a hawk, waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 

“Jensen, I… I don’t know what to tell you. Sometimes I’m worried yes, especially when you guys have a heated argument. I don’t want my dad to hurt but I also wouldn’t know how to cope with losing you as a constant in our lives.” 

Jensen is gaping like a fish at the teenager, absolutely lost for words and stunned. Jensen’s eyes are all shiny, not only because of the obvious worry over Jared in Tristan’s features but more so because it’s the first time that Tristan’s ever been so open to him; acknowledging him as a part of their family, which he’s always done, just not with so many words, or any words at all. 

Jared and him don’t fight, not really because he had promised himself and Jared time and time again that he can’t think straight, much less sleep when they’re fighting. So they made a pact that yes they can discuss whatever issue’s nagging them but they will never, ever, walk away from each other, especially not on bad terms. And it’s been working for them, they argue, sometimes loud and demanding, but they never fight. Jensen never thought he would be included in Jared’s little family like this, a full member of the Padalecki household and yet he can’t even remember what life has been without these two goofballs before. He’s happy, really, he is happy and that’s all thanks to Jared and the younger man’s constant patience and understanding. Jared keeps Jensen grounded, soothes him whenever Jensen is having a difficult time. Special occasion like anniversaries, birthdays and holidays will forever remind Jensen of the own family he had and lost so tragically. But Jared’s always there; listening and sheltering him in his meltdowns with deep abiding love. 

“Damn, don’t you start crying on me, Jensen. I know this whole family thing isn’t easy on you and that you’d rather not want to think about it and whether you like it or not, you _are_ like a father to me.” 

Well hell, now Jensen really is crying. Tristan is right, damn, the teen is too smart for his own good but it’s truer than true and Jensen is having a difficult time admitting it to himself, but he feels like a father, treats Tristan as more than just one of the team members… he treats him like a son. Jensen gulps hard. Tristan is like the son Jensen never had the chance to see growing up and he is sadly reminded of the fact that Nicolas would be almost the same age as Tristan is now. 

“You really mean that?” Jensen knows he sounds as weak as a mouse but there’s hope bubbling up in his very core that hopefully Tristan will agree and even more so give his blessing to Jensen’s… _plan_. 

“Every word of it. Jensen, I can’t imagine how much you must miss them and sometimes I can see how hurt you are when I and Dad interact. There’s always this little crease on your forehead when you watch us, almost as if you can’t stand how well we get along. But you need to know that nothing in this house is about me and my dad anymore. Not solely about us, it’s about all three of us and you can deny it all you want, you _are_ a part of this family. You scold me when I’m overstepping my boundaries and your voice gets all harsh and disappointed when I try to wriggle my way out of the chores and don’t get me started on the time you grounded me because you caught me smoking a joint. _You_ grounded me, not Dad. _You_. If you were nothing but my dad’s boyfriend you wouldn’t do any of this, I doubt you’d even care to bother. But you do and you know what? That makes you almost as much my father as my dad is. Okay, sure you bend the rules here and there every once in a while, which only means you’re the cool parent out of the two of you.” 

Jensen is blinking, once, twice and a few billion times more. He’s aware he’s done all those things but he wasn’t even thinking when he did it and having those few examples laid out by the teenager has Jensen’s chest clench and constrict in a heavy and yet comfortable knot. There’s a feeling of betrayal rushing through him, betrayal towards his dead family but when his wet eyes land on the smiling teenager next to him something clicks. Tristan might not be his son, not by blood, but never did he treat the boy differently than how he would have done with his own son. Looking at Tristan now makes him realize once again how deeply he really cares about him, how much he loves the kid. It’s so close to the love he still carries for Nicolas that he can’t help but throw his arms around Tristan and hug him for all he’s worth. Tristan might not call him Dad or Pop or whatever and yet whenever Tristan addresses him by his name it could well mean the same. Not once did Tristan ignore Jensen’s orders or yelled at him for acting like a parent towards the boy when he actually wasn’t. No, Tristan always listens to him like he does with Jared, accepts Jensen’s rules and respects him like only a son would. 

During a few more very manly sobs that escape his throat, while still clinging to Tristan, he realizes that he became a father, again, without knowing it. 

“Do you have any idea what it means to me to hear you say that?” Jensen says when he pulls back and takes in Tristan’s surprised face. 

“Kind of. But I think I need to take this whole father thing back, you’re acting more like a girl. Which totally makes you the mother in this house.” Tristan chuckles and Jensen can’t help but join in but not without punching Tristan’s arm for good measure. “So, that all you wanted to talk about? Just sharing and caring or do we have to braid each other’s hair now and watch some crappy rom-com?” 

“Haha, very funny.” Jensen takes a few deep breaths and exhales long while trying to figure out how to approach the subject he’s actually wanted to discuss, but before his head is going to explode from too much strain he blurts it out, “I want to ask your Dad to marry me.” 

There’s a long silence where Jensen stares ahead and waits for the teenager to say something, who only blinks at him with wide curious eyes. 

“Wait, what?” 

Jensen swallows a few times around the lump in his throat, he’s not sure if Tristan is considering this a good or bad idea. 

“I said I want to ask your Dad…-“ 

“Yeah, yeah, I got that. Why? I mean, why are you telling _me_ this?” 

“Because you’re his son.” 

“And?” 

“And… I won’t ask Jared to marry me if you’re against it.” 

“Oh my God, Jensen. Are you seriously asking for Dad’s hand and my blessing?” 

“Of course.” 

Then Tristan starts cracking up, full on belly laugh with his head thrown back and Jensen wants to punch him in the throat for so obviously making fun of him. Jensen had debated with himself for weeks, screw that, months and he was determined to propose to Jared because seriously nothing would speak against it and they love each other and Jensen wants to parade around the world and show Jared off to everyone and declare his undying love for the younger man and definitely point to a ring on Jared’s finger whenever someone tries to flirt with him, or you know, worse, just look at him. Okay, this seems a little possessive but he can’t possibly imagine a life without Jared by his side, he needs the younger man like air to breathe and definitely more than his morning coffee and _hello_ , that definitely shows just how deeply in love Jensen is. So why not drag the Bigfoot in front of an altar and make him officially his. It all sounded so perfect in his head but then Tristan has to ruin Jensen’s cavemen fantasies by laughing like a mad man. 

“You done?” Jensen asks in his serious voice but without any heat behind it. 

“Man, this isn’t the eighteenth century and my Dad’s not a damsel with someone holding the key to his chastity belt. Just go for it, ask him. You’ve got my blessings, approval and I’ll even write it down for you.” 

“Do you think he’ll say yes?” Jensen’s voice is wavering. Yes, damn it, he’s nervous as hell. Mostly because he never even mentioned anything this serious to Jared, didn’t even pay much attention to Jared’s reaction when Megan, Jared’s younger sister announced she was getting married. Sure, Jared was happy for her but there was no sign of jealousy or wishful thinking on his boyfriend’s face. But one thing Jensen was certain of, Jared was it for him. There’ll never be anyone else for Jensen again and now all he can do is hope that Jared might be on the same page. 

“Nothing I’m more sure of.” 

Jensen is feeling as high as a kite and beaming at Tristan like a damn lunatic, but damn the certainty with which Jared’s son answered his question shoves truck loads of hope and happiness at him. 

“Let’s go then.” Jensen excitedly orders, clapping his hands together, like the tool he obviously has become. 

“Where?” The teenager wants to know. 

“Ring shopping, duh!” 

“Hell no!” Tristan’s eyes are wide open, scared and so not up for it it’s almost comical. 

“Either you accompany me,” Jensen starts again and it’s almost painful to hide a smirk, “or I’ll tell Jared you made out with Cameron.” 

“What? I did not!” Arms flailing and cheeks flushed Tristan’s face is full of shock but Jensen can see right through him. He knows it’s really not cool to blackmail the teen, not that Jared would freak if he knew, but Jensen needs Tristan on his side now, needs his help. Or something like that. Okay, truth is, he only wants Tristan to tell him what happened when he came home with his best friend. And the answer is right there, written all over his flushed cheeks. 

Jensen cocks his head, one eyebrow raised slightly. “Alright, alright. I’m coming with.” Tristan says eventually and Jensen lets out a bark of laughter and points a finger at the teenager, “I knew it!” 

**~~~*~~~**

The mall is packed and Jensen hates it. Always hated these huge crowds, too many people in one place always make him kind of nervous. Today though, most of his jittery comes from the reason of this trip. He dragged Tristan to three different jewelries in town already, but neither of their wares caught Jensen’s eye. None of the rings he was looking at gave him the instant ‘WOW’ effect he needed to happen before deciding on a ring for Jared. It has to be perfect, breathtaking, beautiful, strong and sexy; it has to be _Jared_. Well, something that would resemble Jared if he was ever being molted into metal. Something inside Jensen needs to click when he looks at the ring that is supposed to adorn Jared’s long gracious fingers. It needs to click just like it did when Jensen first laid eyes on the younger man. 

Jensen rubs his hands together when he finally spots the big ass Tiffany sign above the glass doors of the store and he tugs on Tristan’s sleeve to get his attention, waving his hand at the display of the finest jewelry and the teenager just groans at him. But nothing can dampen Jensen’s mood, not even Tristan’s annoyed frown. 

“It’s in here, somewhere. I can feel it.” Jensen says, spreading his arms wide and breathes heavy when they enter the store and Tristan ducks his head, face cradled in his hands in embarrassment and Jensen does not care how much of a fool he’s making out of himself. He’s getting a ring, for Jared. He’s going to ask Jared to marry him, let people think he’s a crazy man all they want. He doesn’t give a damn. Because he knows that when he’s leaving this store he’ll have a tiny velvet box in his pocket and hopefully a dimpled smile on the face of the man who’s going to open the box. Wow, shit. He’s really going to do this. Slowly realization of what’s going to happen, that he’ll propose to the man he loves, is sinking in and his knees go weak. 

Twenty rings in, and the very patient store manager pulls out the last tray of titanium engagement rings. The tray is barely sitting on the glass counter when Jensen gasps loudly. The ring he spots is nothing what he thought his eyes could find on their own, but his heart is beating faster and his fingers itch to reach out and touch it and right in this second he knows that this ring is exactly the one he wants to slip on Jared’s finger and a twin of it on his own. 

“Jensen?” Tristan’s voice cuts through his musings and he snaps his head up to look at him. 

“This one.” Jensen moves a shaking finger to the ring he has chosen. 

“No, really?” Tristan deadpans and snorts in a mocking and sarcastic manner. “Holy shit, Jensen. Have you seen the price tag?” Tristan leans in closer and whispers to him, so only Jensen can hear. 

“Nope. Don’t care.” He shrugs his shoulders halfheartedly and really, he couldn’t care less about the cost of the band he can’t quit staring at. Jensen is co-owner of a private held soccer team and the amount of money parents pay him and his father to train and teach their kids is almost ridiculous so money is definitely the least of his concerns, especially when it comes to Jared. Thinking about where the money for the ring is coming from makes the whole situation a little awkward, considering Jared is one of the crazy parents who pay a high price to have their kid privately trained. Another thing he shrugs off though, because he’s still looking at the perfectly shaped metal that will hopefully soon decorate Jared’s hand and mark him as Jensen’s. 

“I presume you’ve decided, Sir?” The kind of stuck-up manager in his shiny designer suit asks him then. 

“Sure did.” 

“Sir, what size will you need?” 

Jensen turns an expecting glance in Tristan’s direction and the teenager only shrugs at him. Both have no idea what size Jared would need so Jensen is left guessing. 

First they get to measure Jensen’s finger for his own ring and then decide on half a size smaller for Jared’s. The store’s manager promises him that it won’t be a problem to get the size fixed in case it’s too small or too big and Jensen cringes at that because he really doesn’t want anything to happen to the ring; no cuts, no bruises, no marks, no molting hotness in a deathly pit of the murderous enemy. And Jensen might have said that out loud because Tristan claps him on the shoulder when Jensen clutches the two velvet boxes to his chest and says: “Alright, Frodo. We better get going. I’m hungry, I feel like _potatoes_.” 

Jensen doesn’t even have it in him to slap the teen upside the head for making fun of Jensen, because he is just that happy. 

Tristan decides on the fried kind of potatoes and Jensen orders himself a burger at the food court in the mall. It’s still pretty busy but they manage to find a decent spot where they can sit down and enjoy their food in peace. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.” Tristan says between a mouthful of fries. “Dad’s really lucky to have you.” 

“No, Tris, I’m the lucky one here, believe me.” 

“So you know how you’ll propose yet, any ideas?” 

“None so far. Maybe I’ll invite him to a weekend trip or something. God, I haven’t really thought about it yet. It has to be perfect, what if I screw this up?” 

“You won’t, I promise. Dad will say yes, no matter if you have it written in the sky or ask him over pizza and beer. It’s not about the where or how. Dad has been alone for so long I often thought that he’s okay without a second half but he never was. Before he met you I overheard a conversation between Uncle Chad and him and Dad was lonely and yet always made me believe that he was okay with it. But truth is, he began to believe that he’d never find the one person for him. You know? The one person to spend the rest of his life with. He’s happy with you, you both make each other happy and he’ll probably bawl his eyes out over the fact that this is happening to him. Jesus, he can be such a sap.” 

Jensen isn’t sure if he should laugh or cry, so he decides on both and it comes out like a choking snort. 

They enjoy the rest of their fast food in comfortable silence, praising the Lords of grease and calories between bites and sips of their too sweet sodas. Jensen watches Tristan and his fight with the fries for a few minutes, chuckling here and there and it’s amazing to see how many of Jared’s table manners are obviously a gene-thing because the teenager chows down eagerly; afraid someone might attack his plate and steal the food. But then all of a sudden Tristan’s eyes snap to Jensen in wide horror and before Jensen can ask what’s wrong he can feel someone behind them approaching their table. Jensen shoots Tristan a questioning frown but the boy only shakes his head. 

“Tristan, is that you? It is! Oh boy, you’ve gotten tall.” A casually attired man, around Jensen’s age stands at their table now, looking rather tense. 

“I guess. It’s been what? Three years?” Tristan snaps and his whole posture is on alert. 

Jensen feels the urge to interrupt and step between the stranger and Tristan and he’s probably moving because Tristan’s hand lands on his arm then, stopping him. He just wants to know who this asshole is that’s having the teenager so on edge. He looks somewhat familiar, but Jensen can’t put his finger on it. 

“Something like that, yes. The last time I saw you didn’t go so well, mind if I sit for a minute?” 

Jensen can see how clearly Tristan doesn’t want the man to join them, but he nods anyway; kicking a chair out for him from under the table with his foot. 

“Don’t think we have met yet.” Jensen says then, only a little pissed that Tristan doesn’t even bother to introduce them. Not that Jensen wants to, but it would be the polite thing to do. 

“Right. Sorry. Oh, wow, _hey_.” The guy’s eyes turn dark when he looks at him and Jensen feels more than uncomfortable under the gaze. “You a friend of Tristan’s?” A leery smirk clouds the guy’s mouth and Jensen wants to punch it right out of him because the man’s body language practically screams _want_. Jensen doesn’t like it at all. “I’m Kerr, by the way. Tristan’s father.” Jensen wants to kill him right there. He’s gritting his teeth so hard he’s sure his jaw is going to pop out any second now. 

“Are you now?” Jensen scowls and Kerr nods with a taut smile. “Isn’t that strange. Here I thought I knew both of Tristan’s fathers. You know, considering one of them is Jared and the other one is me.” 

Jensen might be overstepping his boundaries but he can’t help to try everything in his power to get the guy away from Tristan and himself before he snaps and that won’t end well. Tristan smiles proudly at him and underneath the hatred towards Kerr Jensen’s heart is about to burst with fatherly-affection for the teen. 

“Excuse me?” The dumbstruck face of Kerr is hard to ignore. 

“Oh I think you heard me alright. Just because you’re blood doesn’t make you family, not by a long shot. So how about we part civil before I forget all them good Texan manners my momma taught me, and you just, you know, get out of our hair. Sound good? Sounds pretty awesome to me.” Jensen takes the napkin from the table to wipe his mouth and dumps the napkin on his plate before pushing his chair back and getting up. “Tris, you about ready to head on home?” 

Neither Jensen nor Tristan dare to look back over their shoulders to see the shocked and baffled look on Kerr’s face. Jensen still has trouble keeping himself grounded because there’s nothing he’d like more than to turn around and beat the living hell out of the asshole that hurt Jared all these years ago. But Jensen’s better than that and letting his inner anger towards the man boil and surface won’t earn him any plus points, especially not since he’s the one who’s supposed to be a role model. 

“We’re not going to mention this little encounter to Dad, are we?” Tristan is trembling next to Jensen while they’re walking through the mall in the direction of the parking lot. 

“If you want to tell Jared then I won’t stop you, but honestly? I hate that look on his face whenever Kerr’s name is mentioned. But Kerr _is_ your father and it doesn’t matter what I believe it’ll always be up to you how much or if any contact at all you wish to have with Kerr. Maybe he does regret his decisions from the past, but yeah, I’m not going to bet my money on it. “ 

“Thank you, Jensen.” 

“What for? I keep opening my mouth when I should rather shut up. It’s just…” 

“You care.” 

Jensen worries his bottom lip between his teeth, shuffles his weight back and forth and nods. “I do, yes. Tris, I don’t want you to get hurt. And after everything I’ve heard about the man, you’re going to get crushed if you let him in too deep. I’m not saying don’t give him a chance if he’s serious about being a part of your life, but be careful, alright? That’s all I’m asking, which is probably more than I have any right to. Still…” 

“Jensen, it’s okay.” Tristan shakes his head but an understanding smile tugs at his lips. “You worry over nothing, though. I don’t plan on having Kerr in my life. He never gave two shits about us and when I ran into him about three years ago I actually approached him, said hi and he pretended to not even recognize me. Probably because his wife has no clue about me.” Tristan shrugs nonchalantly. 

“I’m sorry, kid. Nobody deserves that. He’s a total ass if you ask me.” Jensen pulls the teen into a hug then and the moment is broken when Tristan chuckles and calls him a sap. Yeah, Jared has done an amazing job raising the boy on his own, always loved him more than enough to make up for the missing parent in Tristan’s life. And no matter how much Jared still hates Kerr Jensen can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be for his boyfriend to talk civil about Kerr in front of Tristan; always left the decision in Tristan’s hand if and when he wants to meet and get to know his other father. Though Jared always knew that Kerr wouldn’t want that, Jared still made it perfectly clear that he will support Tristan in whatever he wants to do. 

 **~~~*~~~**  

Jared enters the house with a relieved sigh, the day has been hell and his feet are killing him. He's driven from one house to another and then a few more and it took all his magic to get the client and his wife to finally say _'that's the house we want'_.  
  
He should be mad and furious that Alona, his new assistant, messed his appointments up. But the tiny blonde apologized like a broken record, over and over again; tears in her eyes sealed the deal and Jared couldn't be mad at her. He has this stupid everyone-should-be-happy-syndrome and since the woman was new he just hugged her and said it'll be alright.  
  
All he wanted was to come home, kiss his boyfriend and relax for the rest of the evening. Relaxing won't be that much of a problem, kissing his boyfriend seems to be the difficult part; considering Jensen is nowhere to be found. Jared tries Jensen's cell after a few minutes and somewhere in the kitchen Eye of the Tiger rattles to life.  
  
"Great." Jared mutters into the empty house.  
  
Tristan's phone is next but as usual goes straight to voicemail; the boy always forgets to charge it.  
  
Jared makes his way to their bedroom and loses his stuffy suit; the one Jensen loves to rip off of him as soon as Jared steps into it. It was a messy morning and it took all of Jared's willpower to stop Jensen from humping him like a dog in heat. Jared normally doesn't say no to Jensen, but he was late already and he kind of likes his job.  
  
So Jensen did what he always does when Jared is in a hurry and they don't have time to get naked; bastard tied him to the bedpost and blew him like he was getting paid to. After he finished Jared he cleaned him up -with his tongue- and tugged him back into his pants. "There, now you can go." Jensen had said.  
  
Jared is getting hard just looking at that damn bedpost.  
  
Under the hard pressure of the water in the shower Jared wills his growing erection back. It would be an easy and fast task to stroke himself until he comes all over the white tiles, but he rather wants to save it up for when Jensen gets home. And his boyfriend better comes home sometime soon, because after a long day nothing feels better than losing himself in the gentle caress of Jensen's hands. Or, you know, Jensen pounding into him in earnest.  
  
After the shower Jared dresses in his favorite gray sweatpants, the ones that hang low on his hips and make Jensen drool adorably so, and his favorite blue shirt. No buttons, just a plain shirt. Jared learned early on in their relationship that buttons are a threat to his boyfriend and the older man fights them with all his power until they rip from the fabric.  
  
He snatches a can of soda from the fridge and settles on the couch. Only a few minutes later Jensen and TJ stumble through the front door and Jared gets up from his spot to greet them.  
  
He gives TJ a brief hug and Jensen stares at him like an owl.  
  
"Hey, babe. Everything okay?" Jared leans down to place a soft kiss on Jensen's lips. His boyfriend smiles against his lips and Jared presses a little closer.  
  
"Sure. Missed you."  
  
"Missed you, too." Jared pulls back a little, watching his son and boyfriend shed their jackets and shoes. "You two hungry?"  
  
"We already ate, Dad."  
  
"Oh." Jared had hoped they'd share some time at dinner together and he's kind of really freaking hungry.  
  
"Sorry, Jay. We, uh, we were at the mall and had a bite there." Jensen looks more guilty than he should because this definitely isn't the end of the world.  
  
"No, don't worry about it, I'll just fix myself a sandwich. TJ, you finished your homework yet?" Jared asks his son while he steps away to let both in.  
  
"While I was at Cameron's earlier, yes. I'll head upstairs and play some Xbox if that's okay?"  
  
"'course. But not for too long."  
  
TJ makes his way upstairs and Jared uses the new gained togetherness and pulls Jensen in for a deep kiss.  
  
"Mmh, maybe I should skip my sandwich and eat you instead." Jared breathes against Jensen's lips and sucks his boyfriend's tongue into his own mouth.  
  
"I-- yeah, I approve of that."  
  
They're barely in their bedroom and Jared tackles Jensen to the bed. They kiss lazily for a few minutes, enjoying each other's taste.  
  
Jared takes Jensen's cock in his hand and Jensen pumps his hips slowly in time with the strokes. He can't take his eyes off Jensen; how every muscle of his taut stomach stretches for Jared's viewing pleasure.  
  
"Want you to ride me, Jay. Come on, stop teasing, baby."  
  
And Jared does. Sure, he'd love some payback for this morning, but he got a blowjob so, not much of a reason to hold grudges. That's why Jared squirts a good blob of lube on Jensen's thick fingers and guides them to his crack and sinks down on two fingers. The stretch and burn is almost painful but as soon as Jensen finds Jared's prostate his throat lets out a loud groan and his breathing turns ragged.  
  
"Jay, shhh, we gotta, _fuck_ , you're so hot like that." Jensen pushes in a third finger and Jared moves his ass up and down until he can feel his orgasm building.  
  
"Jen, I'm ready. Fuck me already!"  
  
"I got you, baby." Jensen pulls him down to swallow Jared's moans, keeping him quiet and Jared is thankful that Jensen still has enough brain function left to be so attentive. The last thing Jared needs is to have his teenage son listening to them having sex but as soon as Jensen starts touching Jared his head isn't willing to cooperate well enough, or at all.  
  
The obligatory grab for the condom doesn't bother Jared anymore, not much. But apparently you can't be on two or more different methods of birth control at the time. His doctor had explained to him that the only one hundred percent affective option would be a vasectomy. And Jared wasn't willing to offer, much less ask Jensen to get the surgery and Jared definitely doesn’t want anyone cutting or clipping his manliness. His boyfriend is getting better, his grief still present and probably will be forever but if Jared can help him heal by playing by Jensen's rules then he won't jeopardize the process his boyfriend is making. Jared isn't giving up hope that Jensen will someday be able to overcome his fear but until then Jared won't question the use of condoms. 

 **~~~*~~~**  

Jensen sheathes his waiting arousal in the condom and when the latex is securely wrapped around him he takes Jared’s lips between his own for another heated kiss, pushing his hips upwards slowly; one hand holding his boyfriend –hopefully soon fiancé- still by the hips and his other hand presses his cock against Jared’s ass, pushing in with gentle thrusts. 

Jared is looking down at him as if he's the most precious thing Jared's ever seen. And it's times like these, buried deep inside his lover, being so close and not only on a sexual level, where Jensen starts to wonder if Jared has any idea how much Jensen loves him. They complete and balance each other out in ways Jensen has never experienced before.  
  
Jensen bucks up, digging his feet into the bed for better traction and Jared is babbling above him; words Jensen can't make out but they might be declarations of love between the chanting of _deeper faster right there_ and Jared could try to sell him a truck-load of Windex right now and Jensen wouldn't be none the wiser because all he can answer is _yes yes_ and then a _hell yeah, whatever you give I take_.  
  
Jared is sweating; sweet droplets of ecstasy forming on his temples, his soft to the touch skin is slick in Jensen's hands and Jared is practically glowing, his messy hair framing the happiness on his face. 

It doesn’t take much more and Jensen can feel his balls draw up and heavy between his legs, Jared’s movements increase in speed, his ass clenching like a vice around Jensen’s cock and Jensen barely touches Jared’s erection, half a dozen strokes in, and Jared comes hot and wet over Jensen’s stomach. He follows only seconds later, gripping Jared’s hips tight and holding him down; releasing his own orgasm. 

"Still hungry, babe?" Jensen wiggles his eyebrows wickedly at Jared when they're lying next to each other after cleaning themselves up.  
  
"Not as much as before." His hand cards slowly over Jensen's lower belly, playing with the fine hair there while his nose nuzzles at Jensen's throat. But the second the words leave his mouth his stomach starts protesting.  
  
"Come on you giant. Let's get you fed." 

Jensen fixes his boyfriend a tuna sandwich and some salad, “you mind getting us some drinks? I’m about finished here.” Jensen asks Jared with a peck to the younger man’s lips. 

“You’d make a pretty wife, all domestic and spoiling me.” Jared jokes and slaps Jensen’s ass before he grabs them each a beer and sets the table. 

“What?” Jensen is a little surprised by the choice of words and usually he’d give Jared a stupid remark on the part where he just called Jensen the woman in their relationship, but with what Jensen’s planning to ask Jared sometime soon he doesn’t have it in him to protest, he’s making a little happy dance inside his own head that Jared is willing to joke about it at all. Maybe his boyfriend really is going to say _yes_. 

“Yep, but don’t you start wearing dresses. I like your ass in pants just fine, especially the dark blue jeans with the holes in the knees. They cling so perfectly to that sweet ass of yours.” 

“Shut it or I’ll drag you right back to our bedroom.” 

Jared only smirks at him and Jensen rolls his eyes in mock annoyance at him. 

“Hey, Jay?” 

“Mh?” Jared stops his hands midway to his mouth to take a bite from his sandwich. 

“What do you say we take a few days off next week or the week after?” 

“Why? The kids driving you mad at the field?” 

“Nah, just thought we should get out for a couple of days. You know, just you and me, maybe fly out to catch some sun, lots of sand and beach.” 

Jensen still doesn’t know how to propose, it’s all a little too overwhelming for him that he actually thought about taking this step, but if he doesn’t ask anytime soon then he’s sure the velvet box inside the glove compartment in his car is going to burn a hole through the plastic of the dashboard. And they both deserve a little vacation after all. If Jared’s going to call him a sap for making it all romantic at the beach then Jensen will happily agree with him, as long as his boyfriend says yes. 

“Sounds nice. Yeah, we should totally do that. When did you have in mind?” 

“Next week might be perfect. The boys will be out of town for five days during soccer camp and if I remember correctly my dad said he’d be there this year with more parents to help out than usual so no need for me to attend as well.” It’s a complete lie and Jensen hopes that Jared can’t look right through him. Jensen will have to call his dad and explain to him why Jensen won’t be able to join the team to camp this year. He’ll have to help his father to find a replacement for those five days. 

“Right, damn I almost forgot that’s next week already.” 

“Sure is. So what do you say? You think they can manage a few days without you?” 

“They have to and if not I’ll just call in sick. We’re going on a vacation.” Jared’s face is full of excitement already and then he just stares at Jensen. “Where are we going to?” He cocks his head at his boyfriend, brows raised in question. 

“That’ll be a surprise. I handle all the logistics and you just wait and see.” 

 **~~~*~~~**  

The airport is quiet and the only people buzzing around are the employees and a handful of other tourists.  
  
Jensen immediately relaxes within the silence and not even Jared's constant and excited chatting is changing his mood. Jared can be a handful sometimes; always talking, never not a story to tell. He's just his happy puppy self. Over-grown puppy, but still. And Jensen loves him for it just that much more.  
  
_A few hours earlier at the San Antonio airport, Jensen had a close call of being busted and found out of his plan. He doesn't want to lose the ring or have it get lost in case his luggage goes missing. Shit like this happens and Jensen doesn't want to take the risk. That's why he carries the small velvet box in his leg pocket of his shorts; not sparing a single thought on those damn traitorous metal detectors. And of course it beeped to life as soon as Jensen walked through; Jared right behind him._  
  
_The guard asked Jensen to step through again and the beeping noise began anew. Then Jensen was asked to empty his pockets and he whispered "I can't" to the man in uniform. The guy looked at him suspicious and Jared kept asking what's going on; still smiling. Damn puppy._  
  
Jensen had then mouthed the word 'ring' to the guard and it took the man a moment to understand him before he pulled him aside. "Sir, I need to ask you to step aside with me for a second so you can empty all contents of your pockets."  
__  
"Definitely." Jensen replied with a relieved smile on his lips and he followed the man a few steps away. "Sorry about the trouble. I want to propose to my boyfriend on our vacation and I didn't want to lose the ring." Jensen was nervous as hell and the guard could tell because he's smiling at Jensen knowingly.  
__  
"It's no bother, Sir. But I still have to ask you to show me the contents of your pockets."  
  
Jensen did as he was told and handed the velvet box to the man.  
  
"The walking smiley, that him?" The guard asked and Jensen chuckled in agreement.  
  
The guard whistled when he opened the box and spotted the ring inside. After taking the little box apart the man put it carefully back together and placed the ring in its holder to secure it.  
  
"Alright, Sir, all clear. Let's get you back to your man."  
  
_They made their way back to where Jared was just walking through the metal detector himself and the guard who had just taken Jensen aside came to stand next to Jensen and his boyfriend. "Sir, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience but we never had our machines react to these kind of buttons on your shorts before. Must be something about the material." The man began to explain with a nod to Jensen's pants pocket and Jensen was a little startled at first but then he realized that this was the man's way of coming up with an excuse so Jensen wouldn't have to explain the situation to Jared._  
  
_"Ha! He hates buttons." Jared chirped in; all smiles and giggles. The guard looked confused and Jared went on. "You should see how all the buttons on my dress shirts are letting his anger rise. Can you believe he ripped them open on our first date? Man, I swear I spend more money on new shirts than food. Jensen really hates buttons. Right, baby?" Jared nodded his head at Jensen to proof truth to his own statement and Jensen could only stare open mouthed at the man he loves. Leave it to Jared to make Jensen blush like a virgin by telling how he loves to rip every piece of fabric off of Jared's body._  
  
_Then the guard started laughing, loud and rough with tears in his eyes. “You sure about him?”_

_Jensen was more than sure, and the uniformed man had just witnessed with his own eyes just how absolutely and completely sure Jensen was about Jared. “He has his moments.”_

_Jared punched him in the arm then, “hey, you love me. Now shush.”_  

A driver from their resort meets them as soon as they exit the baggage claim area at the Kahulul Airport. Until they boarded the plane Jensen was still able to keep quiet about their destination, but as soon as the stewardess handed them each a lei and welcomed them on board of the Hawaiian Airlines Jared was squealing like a kid in a candy store, or, Jared in a candy store, not much difference there. “Oh my God, Jen! Hawaii?” And after Jensen was able to untangle himself from nine foot and then some of Padalecki they were finally ready to begin their vacation. 

“Maui, to be exact.” Jensen corrected. 

Jensen had booked them a bungalow directly at the beach, secluded and not a soul near to bother them. Waves crashing against the shore are the only sound in their ears, untouched golden sand covers the path to their door and the minute Jared’s eyes land on the magnificent view outside he steps out of his shoes and brushes his naked toes through the sand. 

After their first night Jensen wishes though that he had made reservations for a hotel with thousands of other guests and a lot of noise to stop his mind from running a mile a minute. He’s sure Jared can tell that something is up because Jensen is scared. He doesn’t fear the moment of the actual proposal, he’s scared that maybe Jared won’t say yes. And he doesn’t even know how to handle it if Jared rejects him. What if he does? What will happen to them then, to their relationship? But not being ready to get married doesn’t equal their relationship has to end, right? Jensen is about to be getting sick; his stomach is on a roller-coaster ride and so many different emotions well up inside of him that he himself isn’t sure anymore if he should go through with it or not.

  **~~~*~~~**

Jared is exhausted. The first three days of their trip Jensen drags him to every tourist spot, mingling with the locals, slurping cocktails and eating so much fruit Jared is afraid his head will turn into a pineapple. This isn’t exactly what Jared had in mind when Jensen suggested vacation. Vacation is supposed to be about taking it easy, gaining new energy for your every-day-life, hanging around doing nothing and let your spirits flow but not _this_. Jensen is different, he is tense and something is bothering his boyfriend, Jared can tell just by looking at the other man. He tries his best to come up with a reason for Jensen’s strange and stressed behavior but comes up with nothing and Jared wonders if he has done anything wrong because Jensen is only acting weird when they are alone. 

They went to see the USS Bowfin Submarine their first day followed by a Helicopter ride and a sunset cruise at night and the Waimea Valley on the second day. It was beautiful, the botanical gardens offered a wide variety of plants, dozens of archaeological sites and a spectacular 45-foot waterfall; a place of peace and safety. Yet it was still a lot of walking and talking to tour guides and other tourists. All Jared wanted was to lie on the beach, relax and make out in the ocean. 

That’s why he tells Jensen that he’d rather stay in tonight, their fourth day on Maui. Jensen is obviously not very enthused about it but Jared makes his point across when he calls the manager of their bungalow and asks if it’s allowed to set a bonfire on the beach. After this phone call is all done with he sends Jensen out to buy a few more drinks and fresh fruits for the next day while Jared prepares a picnic basket for them. 

"Hey babe? We should go snorkeling today."  
  
Jared rolls his eyes at Jensen's excited voice. He keeps stuffing the basket while Jensen approaches. He didn’t think Jensen was going to be back that fast but apparently he is.  
  
"Didn't you hear me?" Jensen asks and kisses Jared's cheek. "What are you doing?"  
  
"We are _not_ going snorkeling. In fact, we're going nowhere today."  
  
"But..." Jensen tries to reason with him again.  
  
"No. Jen, we're on vacation and since we arrived we hadn't had a minute of comfort or quiet."  
  
Jensen looks slightly hurt at Jared's rough voice.  
  
"I already called the manager and asked for permission; we will have a bonfire tonight. Just you and me, the beautiful beach and lots of water. And if you stop fussing around I might even put out."  
  
Jensen hesitates for a minute, his face drained off all its color and Jared is more than disappointed that Jensen doesn't seem to be thrilled about being alone with him. This vacation turns into a damn disaster and Jared can't for the life of him figure out why.  
  
Jensen always has his moments, where he's bothered by everything and everyone around him. He gets bitchy and snaps for no apparent reason and sometimes he goes as far as screaming from the top of his lungs how unfair life is. Jared always takes it all in, gives Jensen the space he needs and as soon as his boyfriend calms down some Jared rushes to him; wraps his long arms around the smaller man and promises him that everything will be alright, that yes life isn't fair but they will get through all of this mess as long as they're doing it together.  
  
Jensen always apologizes to Jared, swears he won't freak out again, and both know it's a lie; Jensen will panic and freak again but Jared doesn't call Jensen out on it. No matter how much Jared wishes to change the past, if only to stop the hurt Jensen feels but neither of them can. So Jared makes it his job to be the anchor Jensen needs whenever he feels like drowning in his memories and grief.  
  
The thing is, Jensen hasn't had an episode like this in months, sure he gets silent and pensive, even tells Jared how much he misses them, especially Nicolas and when Jensen told him the first time that he'd give everything to see the boy's smile again Jared was crying with him.

 _"Why don't we put a picture of Nic up with all the other ones of us?" Jared had asked Jensen and then there was this amazing bright sparkle in Jensen's eyes, his shoulders immediately eased off their tension._ __  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Jensen, he is your son and always will be. And just because you're trying to move on doesn't automatically mean you have to cut him out of your life. Nicolas, Brady and the baby are a part of you. And when I say I love you, then I'm talking about every part of your life."  
  
"Wouldn't it be, uh, weird? I mean in my old place I always had this one picture of Nic and Brady up and I love this photograph." Jensen had ducked his head, trying to cover his new formed tears. "I just miss looking at it every once in a while."  
  
"Oh Jen..." It broke Jared's heart that Jensen was willing to suffer only so he wouldn't make Jared uncomfortable when he was confronted with Jensen's past. "What did I tell you about being honest with me?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I know, baby." Jared had pulled Jensen into his arms and kissed his temple. "But I really want you to get this picture from wherever you're hiding it and place it next to the other family pictures on the fireplace."  
  
"Why are you so calm about this, Jay?"  
  
"Because I love you and I need you to not only know but also see _that they're watching over you and someday, when you're all old and gray you'll be with them again."_ __  
  
An hour later Jensen had given Jared the photograph, he was shy and uncertain about it because until that day Jared had neither seen Beady nor Nicolas. Brady was absolutely handsome and Jared could see why Jensen fell for him; wide and infectious smile, light brown hair sticking up in every possible direction. Nicolas was seated on Brady's lap and they were sitting on what Jared could clearly see was the floor of the boy's room. Both still in their PJs and... they were happy. Nicolas looked more like Brady; countless freckles on his cheeks and green eyes the only similarity to Jensen. But nonetheless, the boy was beautiful.  
  
"I took this picture two days before the accident. The night before, we told Nic about... the baby. He was so excited that he promised he would show the baby around so that she or he would know their way around the house. He kept to his promise and the minute he woke up he dragged Brady out of bed giving his belly the grand tour."  
  
"What a character. I'm sure he would have been an amazing big brother."  
  
Jared never told Jensen that yes, it took time getting used to the picture and for a while Jared was afraid he might have to compete with a ghost. But he was surprised to find himself wrong. At one time Jared woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed; Jensen's side cold and the sheets rumbled. When he quietly made his way to the living room he saw Jensen looking at the picture of his late family; it was in a secure hold between his fingers, forearms resting on his knees while he surrounded himself with all the pillows and blankets their couch had to offer. Jared knew he was intruding in a private moment but it was the look on Jensen's face that rooted Jared to the spot; still hiding from his boyfriend.  
  
Jensen didn't show any signs of remorse or vivid longing. Instead he was smiling with affection and a hint of gratefulness.  
  
"You would've loved him." Jensen whispered into the dark and Jared's breath was stuck in his throat.  
  
"God knows how much I miss you guys but I'm okay. Really, I am."  
  
Jensen's voice was low but certain and to Jared's ears it sounded like Jensen was saying goodbye. And he was right.  
  
"Brady, man you loved me in your own special way but let's be honest, you were a grumpy ass sometimes. And even though we never were the perfect couple people believed us to be we still made it. You know I'll always love you, right? But Jay is good for me, he loves me. We never talked about it because we were too young to worry about not being around for decades to come, yet I believe that you'd want me to be happy."  
  
Jared couldn't believe what he was hearing and he wasn't sure how much longer he was able to control his sobs. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he listened to Jensen. Jared never doubted Jensen's feelings for him, not since their almost break up shortly before their first anniversary, but this was a whole new level of declaration.  
  
"I love him so much and sometimes I'm really unbelievable and give him a hard time, but he's still here and sticking with me. He even told me you guys would be waiting for me when my time runs out. I'd love that to be true but until that day comes I can only hope that you'll be patient. I plan on staying here for a while longer. When I'm ready to see you again I'll be as old as a tree and probably be bringing Jay with me. So you be good up there and be nice when you meet him."  
  
Jared's first instinct was to think it was morbid but then he caught the actual meaning of Jensen's words, that his boyfriend wanted them to be together, for longer than life. It was a forever and Jared's heart was about to burst out of his rib cage.  
  
"Brady, please watch out for Nic and the little one. I'll always be proud to be their dad and I'm so sorry I never got to teach them soccer or see them off to prom but unfortunately life had other plans for the three and a half of us and now you're gone and I'm still here but I'm not stuck anymore. I hope you're not mad at me when I say goodbye for now. It's only until we meet again and then please don't punch me for being stupid and mean to Jay sometimes. I'm trying to be better because he deserves only the best."

_Jared knew it was wrong to interrupt, but he couldn’t hold back any longer and he wasn’t able to ignore the way Jensen’s shoulders were shaking with how much the older man began to cry. He had slowly made his way towards the couch and whispered his boyfriend’s name carefully because he didn’t want to startle him._

_“How long have you been here?” Jensen wanted to know._

_“Doesn’t matter, babe. Let’s go back to bed.”_

_Jensen didn’t push him for an answer and Jared sent a silent prayer upstairs because he wasn’t ready to be struck by lightning for eavesdropping on this intimate moment. Back in bed Jared wrapped himself around Jensen as much as physically possible and whispered into Jensen’s neck over and over again how much he loved him… until Jensen was sound asleep in his arms._

The fire is beautiful, to say the least. Its gorgeous red and orange flames casting a bright shadow on the ocean’s crashing waves. A fresh breeze from the water is cooling their heated skin and Jared scoots closer to the fire, soaking in the steady heat. 

Jensen still carries a lot of nervous energy and Jared isn't sure if he should straight out demand an answer or if this is one of those times where his boyfriend will open up on his own time.  
  
The food Jared had packed them is long finished, mostly by Jared himself since Jensen barely touched his. What doesn't match Jensen's different behavior is the honest smile he keeps holding for Jared.  
  
"Scoot over." Jensen says and pulls Jared in front of him; Jensen's chest pressing firmly into Jared's back, arms and legs surrounding Jared like a vice and the warm puffs of air against Jared's neck letting his skin tingle and goose bumps rise.  
  
"Jen..." It's a whisper, a question; uncertainty clear in his tone.  
  
"Mh?"  
  
"Are we okay?" Jared can't ask if _Jensen_ is okay, he needs to know if _they_ are. Because no matter what kind of horror bothers his boyfriend at the moment they'll manage to deal with it; Jared can manage. If _they_ are not okay though, then Jared doesn't know how or if he could handle it.  
  
"Of course. God, yes we are. More than just okay."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I love you, you know that, right?" Jared can feel the rapid thumb of Jensen's heart, the fast movement of the older man's chest and the worrisome shake of his hands on Jared's middle. Jared nods, afraid to say too much or not enough.  
  
"When we first met I was a mess. Nothing in my life made sense to me, not a single day seemed worth getting through and then there you were; smiling with those deep and lickable dimples of yours. I wanted to poke my finger into them, see if they were as deep as they looked." Jensen chuckles at the memory and Jared leans further back against his lover, basking in Jensen's every word.  
  
"Right then I knew I was gone and we might haven't met in the most romantic environment but I couldn't let you go, couldn't not take you home with me. And the whole time I was questioning my sanity, how I was able to completely lose myself in you and then you left. I was so sure that you were it for me and then you were gone; took my heart and left with it. I've never fallen for someone so fast and hard. And Jay, I don't think I ever loved anyone as much as you."  
  
Jared has to swallow at this heartfelt speech and where was all that coming from anyway? Jared is sure that Jensen had loved like this before because Jared is the one being reminded of how strongly Jensen is still affected by Brady and their son.  
  
"Jensen, don't say that. What about..."  
  
But his boyfriend doesn't let him finish, wraps himself closer around Jared, places a soft kiss behind his ear and shushes him.  
  
"Not even Brady. That's what you were going to ask, mh?" Jared only shakes his head in silent agreement. "Thought so. And no, Jay. Not even Brady. I loved him a lot; for loving me, if that makes any sense and I worshipped him for giving me Nicolas. You surely remember when I told you that Brady and I were dating on and off, that wasn't a lie and everything was sunshine and happiness for the following weeks. As soon as I had a bad day though he was annoyed with me; snapped and yelled and we were back at fighting. The guy had no patience."  
  
"Why are you telling me all this?" Jared is controlling his voice, wanting his sincere concern to show and maybe he is succeeding.  
  
"That's the part where I'm explaining that I couldn't possibly love anyone more than you. Not a day has gone by where you haven't put up with all my shit, even more so you don't question me or my motives all you do is care and love me. You accept my flaws and mistakes and God, the patience you hold with me is astounding; you always give me your everything, above and beyond. To be completely honest with you I've never felt as loved before. You've gotten under my skin when you first spoke to me and this never changed. In all this time, a little over two years by now, I'm still so deeply in love with you it sometimes hurts. When you look at me my stomach is still doing double flips; feels like I'm in a freefall but with a safety net waiting for me."  
  
Jared isn't sure Jensen ever told him this, no Jensen definitely didn't. They say 'I love you' a lot and every time it's the honest to God truth but Jensen laying it out in so many words has Jared tear up. Jensen loves him, that much he knew all along but the intensity of the older man's affection is beyond Jared's experience. Before he met Jensen he thought he wasn't good enough for anyone and now, two years later, here he is at the most beautiful place on earth with a man nuzzling his neck who figuratively just reached for the moon, pulled it out of space and handed it to Jared on a silver platter.  
  
Jared turns around then, needs to look at Jensen and just now does he realize that Jensen has been crying this whole time. Happy tears that take Jared by surprise. He turns all the way and straddles his lover, hands framing Jensen's strong and beautiful face and his thumbs brush away the tears from blinking green eyes. "Love you so much, Jen. So so much." Jared leans in and brushes their lips together.  
  
Kissing Jensen will never get old, every kiss feels like the first; with butterflies, nervous smiles and clashing teeth. Sometimes sloppy and sometimes skilled but never anything but purely awesome and perfect.  
  
Jensen pulls back a few inches, hands holding Jared in place and for a fraction of a second there is fear in Jensen's eyes but before Jared can think further about it it's already gone again. Jensen looks up at him then; fearful and somewhat desperate.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
Deathly silence washes over Jared, the horribly fast beat of his heart only palpable but he can't hear anything but the question Jensen just confronted him with. It was a question, but the words won't reach Jared's brain, he can't process the meaning of it.  
  
"Wait, what?" Jared is blinking stupidly at Jensen hoping that what he thought Jensen was saying is true and not only a figment of his imagination.  
  
Jensen's face falters, his features crushing and Jared can hear the man's heart breaking. "I-I want you to marry me."  
  
Not a vision of wishful thinking then.  
  
"Yes! Yes, hell yes. Definitely. Yes!"  
  
Jensen's face breaks into a huge smile then and he pulls Jared down to crash his lips against the younger man. "Yes?"  
  
"Yes, Jensen! I want to marry you."  
  
Jared can't believe this is actually happening. To _him_. The only man to ever truly love him, the love of his life just asked him to become his husband. Jared might be blacking out any minute now because it’s too good to be true; his heart exhausted and yet as alive as never before. 

Jared kisses Jensen deeper, pushing the man down on his back and planting himself all over the slightly smaller man, sucking and lavishing every spot on sun-tanned freckled skin he can reach. They keep this up until their kissing turns more heated, more desperate and in a matter of seconds they undress each other, caressing their bodies as if they haven’t touched and tasted each in other in years. Jensen rolls them over and settles between Jared’s legs and the second Jensen’s wicked plush lips wrap around Jared’s growing cock reality kicks in and he might be screaming ‘yes’ a few more times but he wouldn’t know, his brain is being fried with how fast Jensen is sucking him down. 

Jared reciprocates the blowjob shortly after he’s coming down from his own high and when Jensen comes deep inside Jared’s throat he’s almost hard again. Too strung out to move anywhere they collapse next to each other on their blanket, the bonfire still glaring and warming them up. 

Jensen sits up and pulls Jared with him, he wants to protest at first because it was just getting really comfortable, with all the tension finally leaving their place. God, now it all makes sense why Jensen was so acting out of place the whole time, he must have planned the proposal all along. Jared feels stupid now for thinking that something was seriously wrong, but apparently he just got to meet a whole new side of Jensen. 

“Don’t think a proposal is any good without this, huh?” Jensen says and holds out a small dark box to Jared. 

Jensen opens the box for Jared, holding it out so he can look inside and Jared lets out a sound that could be identified as a squeal or a shriek, truth is he has never seen something more perfect, well except Jensen. But ring-wise it’s all the cherries on top of all the everythings. Jared reaches out to touch it but Jensen pulls the box back to take matters in his own hands.  
  
Both their hands are shaking when Jensen pulls the ring over Jared's finger. It fits like a glove, as if specifically made for him.  
  
"It's beautiful, Jen. Thank you." Jared kisses his boyfriend... fiancé, oh this will need some time getting used to, and smiles broadly.  
  
"That's what I said when I saw it."  
  
"This hopefully won't dampen the mood but what about TJ? I just agreed on getting married and I never make any life changing decisions without consulting him first. What if he's against it?" The thought didn't occur to Jared until now and even though he can't imagine his teenage son throwing a fit about it he still feels a little guilty.  
  
"Tris is totally on board with this."  
  
"You can't know that."  
  
"Oh but I do, see the thing is," Jensen is getting awfully shy with him, ducking his head and nibbling on his lips, "uh, well I asked him first and then blackmailed him into going ring-shopping with me."  
  
"No, you didn't. Wow, you really did ask him?" Jared asks when Jensen just shrugs sheepishly at him.  
  
"He actually said the same as you."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"When I asked him he said 'wait, what?' and later on he just laughed at me for going the old fashioned way and asking for your hand. I'm really happy you eventually said yes and didn't start laughing like him though. Might have been awkward. For me."  
  
"You're amazing, you know that?"  
  
"It has been said. Now kiss me again."  
  
Jared still can't say no to Jensen, especially when Jensen's lips are involved.

 

 

 

 

 

***the end**

_-until the next installment will be posted-_


End file.
